Birthday Reflections 2015

On the eve of my birthday it always gets complicated for me emotionally. It's when I look at myself as is my custom. Not anyone else or what's going on in the world just me and what kind of person I chose to be. This year I lost another Uncle and have become even more distant. I also have become less intrested in the activities and shortcomings of others. I've been focused on not excusing myself as I point to others. The question was why do I care. I really didn't I was using the opportunity to put myself on a pedestal. I am vocal about my life and beliefs and expect others to be. You can't agree with everybody but that doesn't give you the right to try to silence their voice. Your compassion shows who you really are. I have loosened my grip on superficial, needy relationships with ulterior motives snd tightened with the few who are close to me. A real friendship is not convient and you may not have contact but you give that person thr benefit of the doubt because life happens. Overall I'm at peace with the world but not myself. I did it again. I gave up and compromised and got in a situation that not only killed my spirit but also caused me to forget who I was. I lost my joy, passion and drive. I am six months removed but the effects still linger. Doubt is around me and nights alone are filled with tears. As I watch others stand up I am reminded I didn't stand up for myself. I didn't pursue. I just gsve up. I did release an album again finally but it was the hardest fight of my life. I'm a personal mess. I'm so hard on myself but Zi am my only support system. Last year I got over other people's opinions and judgements but this year I face my own. 

Michael Jackson - Scream (Clean) Audio Only

What Do You Do?

What do you do when your life is a joke. All you worked for is gone? Nobody has an answer. Nobody seems to care. Life goes on for everybody else. You've sacrificed and put yourself out there but you have nothing to show for it. You're literally starting over again. Everybody has moved on and/or wrote you off but they're in contact for that" just in case" garbage. You are broken. What do you do? You are cold. What do you do. All the cliches ain't doing nothing but making you angrier. What do you do? Everybody else os tanking on you. What do you do? I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to do anything anymore. My life doesn't seem to serve any purpose anymore. I have failed. 

Veggietales St Patrick

Only a Shadow (Live Only a Shadow Concert) - Misty Edwards

The Lesson That Became Real In 2014

I'm a fairly talented guy I guess (or that's what I'm told anyway) so I have experienced a few things. One that has annoyed me Is people's need to try to acclimate you into their lifestyle. Lifestyle doesn't even appear in scripture (well earlier translations) and this isn't even the point. We love to "fix" people. (I am not exempt from this statement.) we love being agreed with. We love effecting mindsets around us. But scripturally I've found it's easy to start doing the Holy Spirit's job. One thing I have started doing around people is asking Him what I should say and not say, what should I address and not address. I've learned to listen better. People do tell you when you are not trying to "read" them or assume. By doing this I've felt the other side and it's not cool. What I've found people will give or not give attention, fellowship and even friendship if it's not on their terms. This is against what the word teaches but what our society embraces as it's philosophy in the United States of America. Our love, commitment and friendship should be given freely like God did for us. But we don't know how to recharge correctly or suffer fatigue from abuse (emotional). Our first thought is to "fix" it.  Problem is we teach that Jesus will fix it. We want Him to fix this life but He doesn't. He gave us a new life. A different way of thinking, living that doesn't revolve around you. He killed your old life at Calvary and the life you live is His. Kind of changes things huh? The life this world tries to promote God isn't even interested in. He separated us from it in His death and resurrected us into His life. Our ways and isms crucified with Christ and no longer I live but CHRISTI lives in me. When we live we can't reflect Him. We can't "fix" the old life only disgusts it. I can't change anyone but that's not my job anyway. We are looking for solutions that don't apply to this life like Adam and Eve were trick into trying to be something they already were in Eden. Why are you still trying? You don't accept or believe it because it's too simple. You're trying to live on something or continue something God finished roughly 2000 years ago. But it's only my job to proclaim it not make you live it. 

-PSHJ

Fact or Facade.

People judge you based on assumption. They never ask for or seek the truth. They make up their own truth in their mind. People will swear they know all about a situation they know nothing about because they piece together their "facts" with incomplete information. We do it all the with celebrities and with events the media sensationalize. A lot of people also do it with God. They have a second hand knowledge that is not their own. I did an experiment on my Facebook account putting sayings up and scripture. Some of the sayings were kind of borderline and some could not be supported by scripture. Much of the scripture was ignored except for by a few. When asked about it was often taken out of context of what it was talking about in the Bible. We have things in our culture and countries that we talk about and attribute to God that really doesn't come from his Word or have been twisted. We want to make the things of God "me" centered or want it to fit our mindset and philosophy when in all truth it's something that was here before any one of us had a thought. Eternal things are not dictated by the temporal.