Been a while....

My 5th grade teacher Mrs Spero taught me how my mind works. She was the one who exposed my hustle. I acted like my mom was an overworked person. But she was a teacher in the NYC Education System. When I was busted through slip of the tongue of my best friend at the time I had to make up all my work for her that I fudged through. She let me draw my comics in class because she knew my work was done, My previous teachers never realized I was bored because I was done before my classmates. So I was writing and drawing storylines that I gave to my friends because they loved to read them. She never stifled my creativity. She knew when I outsmarted everybody and got away with things. She’d let me know she knew even if there were no ramifications. I was in band get to goto extra art. Along the way that was stolen and started believing what people said and trying to conform to what they wanted me to be. I became afraid to try in everything. The creative drive suffered. My relationships suffered. My life suffered. Until I ended up in a hospital bed. I have accomplishments. I did everything I planned from high school. But I never did anything right where my heart was concerned. I never fought for anything. I became an introverted loner. The world started treating me as such. Recently watching Esperanza Spalding’s Exposure Livestream I discovered things about myself I forgot. That creative spark was rekindled. I realized nobody in my life now knew that me. I was 10 now I’m 43. Somebody asked me where did it come from? It was there dormant. I’m questioning everything in life. I’m looking for thing that inspire me to surround. I’m putting time into the things I want. The sad part is that this journey is going to have to begin alone. I can’t articulate something people don’t want to hear or be a part of. I’m no longer swallowed in circumstance. I have to make my own path in life, musically and morally. I’ve depended on systems of though instead of learning for myself. I let others limit on me and themselves effect me. I had settled instead of flying. Here goes another uncomfortable chapter of life. Who knows where this will end up.