Should I?

A news story got me thinking about my childhood. Some people have never wanted to kill themselves. Some people never will in their life. Between the ages of 10-14 (I vaguely remember) I kept a suicide concoction in the fridge. It was made of household cleaners and other stuff. my mom would dump it. And I'd make a newer more lethal (in my mind) one. I used to stare at it for hours and think about the negatives in life and what I didn't have. Finally one day my mom threw it out and I never made one again. During that time many things happened including my mom busting into a bathroom I locked myself in to attempt an overdose. The cause was hopelessness. Growing up I was typically picked last. My siblings didn't want to take me anywhere because my mouth would start trouble which ended up in fights. I just felt rejected and unwanted. These things are thoughts we never take captive and they rule our lives true or not. They feel real to us. Then circumstance just seems to confirm what we think. We usually hide the real person and try to be what everybody wants and lose our identity. The frustration of being fake and accepted compounds this hurt. Soon I would develop talents and that became the focal point of many of my relationships. I would ask would I have these friends or relationships without these talents? People would laugh it off and avoid it but I had my answer. I believe Adrian was the first friend that I was close to as an adult who has nothing in common when it comes to my skills. That's part of what made Ohio huge in my life. My first real friends as an adult. These false insecurities have to be dealt with by what we confess over our lives and renewing our minds with the Word of God. Despair is no joke when you're trapped in it. It feels real. We need to be spirit led and sensitive to those around us. Good words can make a difference. Being there can make a difference. Small things add up and can change the path of somebody's life. Thanks for reading.