A new day...a new journey.

There are times in your life you just have to recognize that your life is what it is. Your past is what it is and what you do now will determine your future. Once thought to be my greatest asset is now a vice being removed. My personal defense system. Yes I will admit I blocked people from getting close to me and even misled people to believe I'm something I'm not for them to keep their distance. Some things will never change with me though. My greatest relationships are built and based on transparency, trust and honesty. I love my sincere friends and am leery when a relationship is built on what i have to offer and not who God is making me or who I am. As for my defense system it was based on fear of failure. You don't have to fail if you don't try. Other times it was settling for I knew in my heart what wasn't God's best for me at that time. (I will not clarify that statement with situations I'd leave that a mystery.) Basically I either dropped the ball or just did something that was just comfortable but not right. The thing is when you get closer to God your standards and way of living continue to rise to new levels. You need people who will grow with you and not compete with you. I am secure in who I am in Christ and don't need to prove it by religious ritual or quoting scripture. It's who I am. I'm being perfected by God as I live my life for Him. Now in my life is an emergence of a drive I haven't had for years that the circumstances of the last few year chipped away at to destroy. I am not fearful and scared into doing something based on the fear of loss. I am confident God is who He is and what He has for me is better than anything I can ask or even think. No pressure just letting patience work it's perfect work my only commitment is to God. The temptation had been was to try to fit into boxes and plans people had for me. No longer. I won't chase after approval I just really want God and who God has to walk this journey with me. I want to connect in the spirit and not know people according to the flesh. I want something that words can't describe but my spirit can bear witness with. I have settled for counterfeits in the past but now is a new day and a new way and my journey beings now.