The Good, The Bad And The Ugly

Last year I missed my high school reunion. I initially wanted to go but made no effort once circumstances beyond my control came into play. Basically I couldn't go and I made no effort to try to. High school is one of those times I think of and just wonder about. There were fun times but overall it was just something I'd rather forget for the most part except some really good people and some good memories. I prayed about it and thought and no I'm not angry but since most of me beginning to go in the spiritual direction in the vision I saw at ten didn't happen to after that I feel it was just a passing through faze. I was running from what God had for me to do but my conscience would not let me do what others did. My senior year I began to look for God beyond my experience and what I had read in the Bible. Not movements, opinions or debates but what God says Biblical Christianity is. This set off a chain of events that went into Audio School, Bible School and some experiences until now. The drastic need to prove myself then has not been in my life for years. I've been quite brash at times too. My strongest ties to that life weakened with my decision to go to Bible College where I was changed completely from a spiritual perspective. Bible College made me face myself for the first time. A lot of weeping and breaking went on as well a pivotal meetings and divine appointments. It's where I learned not to preach but live what you preach. Afterward I found out people can say one thing but when the rubber meets the road they do what they want. People want to play a "spiritual game" but I no longer participate in that. I want God. It's has not been easy and I've learned that my pride can be my worst enemy but it's far from the boy who grew up on Staten Island. The walk with Christ is unpredictable, great, tough, humbling, exciting and many other things. Finding out things and having God remove them from your life is another experience all together. There's still more that must be done but the first step has been completed. Why don't I want to look back? This scripture just explained in a nutshell.

Phillipians 3
13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,
14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

The Quest For Transparency

There are very few people in my life I am completely defenseless myself around. This even goes for those really close to me. I don't know about you I have always been my biggest critic. I have spent more than half of my life striving for acceptance. Then can that day where I lost care and plummeted to the other extreme. When you live in situations where people see something that you have material or talent wise it really cheapens the majority of your relationships. Some people want to knock that drive out of you to control you and others want to use that drive to benefit themselves others just want to be entourage and can live "off the crumbs" so to speak. When this view controls us we can just shut out of the world. This is what I did. Many times I falsely portrayed what people expected to keep them off my back. I always knew they would never know or value the real me so why waste my time. The problem came when God wanted me to walk in what He called me to be. The facade had to be slowly chipped away. Many people believed I've changed but I had just put a "wall" up since my early days in church from age eleven. Yeah there has been the inner circles and close friends through seasons but that's pretty much it. I looked to people to define me instead of knowing what God has proclaimed and spoke before I entered my mother womb is who I am. The labor to prove something has been removed. The pressure people put on you to do this or that is gone. God orders my steps. I wrote this to encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and obey and do what God says and break free from the fear of man. If people can't accept what you're doing you weren't sent to them. Move on and effect change in the lives God has ordained you to touch. Be honest and accountable for your walk. Pray and fellowship with God and get to know Him in a way your Pastor, favorite preacher or youth minister can't show Him. Let's walk it so we can say like Jesus, "Follow me."