Sometimes I wonder where my passion went. I used to fight. I used to love. I used to care. I started out in life a very verbal extrovert. (I am still extremely verbal.) Then something like today happens in church when you realize things you have been doing that you were ignorant were lowly taking away that all without your knowledge. You have been trained to think, replay and be sarcastic. It was a truth that rocked my world that i can't adequately explain but i must go in the Word of god and study for myself. After my Macbook died (or at least it's hard drive and I've been off the net unless I'm using somebody's computer or connected device) I have had time to think about me. I will like to say I scare myself. There are moment that I don't know what makes me click. I know this much my connection to Jesus and passion to fulfill what He has destined me to do fuels me. I know I don't want to settle for mediocre Christianity diluted by opinion, tradition and culture. I know I keep myself guarded emotionally unless you are close to me. All I've ever wanted is to live out what everyone says a Christian should be. I've been in ministry since my teens and have worked full time ministry most of my life in churches big and small. I've seen things I love and I hated. Now I realize I've been responding to these things in the wrong way. Even what I think is right must be scrapped if it doesn't line up with what God wants. He wants me to bless and not curse, build and not break and to have mercy and not judge. My mouth has been my biggest enemy. James talks about blessing and cursing. We bless God and curse men who are made in His likeness who Jesus has died for. Have I lost my compassion for the lost in my safe church setting. Do I see my contact with a lost soul as an opportunity to lead them to eternity? Have I gotten too involved with politics of this world, ministry or classicism and been blind to see the purpose of this dispensation of grace. Am I like the Pharisees who wanted to stone the woman Jesus saved? Jesus blood and sacrifice wiped and continues to wipe the slate clean for me. Am I like the man who was forgiven a great debt and hold a small one toward others? Have I become what I despised? We all have to look into the mirror of the Word of God ourselves. Our uniqueness God has given us also means we all don't struggle with the same things. I want to be a balm to the broken not another stone of accusation. I sit here opening the mirror God has given us. His Word.
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