7 Years Ago

For those who know me intimately you know since early 2007 my life has taken an unexpected turn. As I tried to outrun this "spiral" it seemed to me things just got worst. I will not go into detail. I'll just say say I've experienced loss in a magnitude I never had before and really just tried to "go to a corner" to just do something positive at least. What I really did was give up. December 2007 I'll admit I gave up on everything that I God showed me at the age of ten. I felt nobody believed in me anyway all they wanted were my talents. (Still feel that to a degree.) I packed up and went to WV where I met some wonderful people which I never completely told my story to. Basically God told me to go back home and I basically left and went back to NJ. I just joined a church going through the motions not really concerned about much but ended not being there after a while. The thing is this journey helped me discover a few things. I really stopped listening to people about God and decided to seek and study for myself. No holds barred and put it all to the test. I discovered we all have sacred cows we want to hold on to. I had branded mine but it wasn't His Word or the truth. It was something I had just accepted without studying it for myself. It's been a hard last few years learning some things and perceptions may NEVER change but none of this was really never about "me" in the first place. Really I'm just running still. Doing this and that not really happy selling myself short depending on talent fighting against a box I have no business in. Death to myself already happened on the cross. I was reluctant to let the life of God "animate me". I wanted reason to hate and be bitter and hold others responsible for what Jesus already payed for with his sacrifice. When it comes to what I'm good at I've never been swayed. Now even more so for what God has purposed me to do with my life.Why? It's not my life. It's what He's doing. It's no longer about proving myself or a point. It's about Christ and what He is doing in the earth. Nothing is sacred and nothing He's not doing is acceptable anymore. Ironically I'm coming up on the 7th year since all this began and I see something coming that everyone else will clearly be able to see themselves soon. Stay tuned.