Taking the Foot Out of Your Mouth

There are many things in your life you regret saying doing or not doing. For me I fought the will of God for my life. You'd figured I'd learn by now. No. There is something about the times in my life when I deeply hurt. I ask God to show me what I did. Of course I forgot. I had been hard on myself for years but now I just know it will help me get to my goal of being honest, especially with myself. One year after a conference I just said forget it and detached. When I detach it's pretty much useless to try to convince me of anything because in my heart "I'm gone." I even told somebody "You won't see me again." I don't make threats and meant every word. I've always been the type of person that hates people in my business and also hate people asking others about somebody instead of the person. This leads to assumption. Basically I acted, then froze because of fear and when I couldn't tell the truth I just said forget it. That's a condensed version. Then I went to North Carolina went off and the moped in Columbus at Mark's house for about a week. Basically got back into gaming, purchased a PSP and 5 games and basically said I'll just handle this my way by walking away, forever. God has been making me be honest and apologize to people lately and when this situation came to mind it was like opening a wound that never healed which this situation was just the tearing open a wound of past issues. Knowing that now I really think I was stupid. There really was no justification for my actions. I remember Mark had sent me the demo of "Revived" and I was in the room and it touched me and the Lord visited me in that hotel room. Told me I wouldn't be able to fix it, to apologize and that the week would get worse (for me) anyway. It did and I had to stand because I had not choice. Basically I used to let people think what they wanted if they weren't close and even lie to cement the facade. (Told you God had a lot to work on in me.) I think it was the most painful week of eating "humble pie" in my life because I had to be quiet like Jesus and take it. Dying to yourself hurts but when you are dead you feel nothing. Oh yeah I didn't learn then and had kept the facade going until a couple of years ago (but that's another blog). I laugh while writing this because that person seems so distant from me now. I really have nothing to prove in Christ but was caught in a religious, judgmental mindset that was given than the fact we believe on Jesus and he is our righteousness. I can't tell you where you're at. I just know the sooner you take the foot out of your mouth the sooner you can speak the Word of God and deliverance will come. I can share this now because the truth of the Word has set me free. What I though was keeping it real, east coast, NY to the fullest was not what God designed for me. Back then maybe only Mark, George, Adrian, Freddy, Leon, Harold and some of my family knew the real Shamik. The rest saw a show. The walls you put up keep everyone out including God. When you allow those walls to fall and let people see you as God created you there is a freedom that nobody can take. Fear cannot stop you because you know who He says you are. The need to perform has ceased. I pray that you don't let circumstance, your past, hardship or anything else keep you from what God's wants. I spent a few years in the pig pen feasting on scraps until I came to my senses. All to end up back where I started to do what God said in the first place. A wise man Ronnie Harrison said the only thing between you and failure is an altar. I know what he means now.